I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize