saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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