if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
