There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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