I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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