im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
