Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
