So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
