I like to think it a success when the cops are called
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My penis needs a shock collar
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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