walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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