i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
