I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
