the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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