The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
