just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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