halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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