Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
