you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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