If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize