Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
