So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
