everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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