I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We don't watch enough power rangers
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
