shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Semen is not good for contacts.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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