I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
