Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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