Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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