I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
