Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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