What did we do last night that was yellow?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
