I heard we made out
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
