Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
