suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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