I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
