Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize