I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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