that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
