So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
