She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
