tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
