so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
