God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
