Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize