Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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