I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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