Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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