I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
