NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
