That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
