shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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