she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
