Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
