omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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