My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
wow bdsm is so cute
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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