Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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