Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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