We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
