i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
