what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
