yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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