she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
