i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
3 2 1 whiskey
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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