fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
