Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
