After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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