Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
