You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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