...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
