Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
