Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(574): View more from Indiana

i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting

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(361): View more from Texas

I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.

(1-361): View more from Texas

Def the best call fo sho

(361): View more from Texas

That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.

Fav 39 5139 1004
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(702): View more from Nevada

Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam

Fav 5 2223 880
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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.

Fav 0 429 566
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(727): View more from Florida

I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.

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