OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
