the day after is always just damage control
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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