you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
