What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
