So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
