A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
