my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
