I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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