I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
