My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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