Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
