Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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