At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
