Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
