i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
